The Good Wife

By Allison Berman
September 30, 2008

Good wife's guide

As an artist and a mom I am frequently covered in paint and assorted bodily fluids (Don't worry, I wash my hands a lot) so I tend to leave my engagement ring for "dress up" as my 4 1/2 year old would say. I was recently "dressing up" for a wedding, as she asked to hear "the ring story again". I explained it is a special ring because daddy gave it to me when he asked me to be his wife. Between the wedding and re-telling my daughter my engagement story it got me thinking about marriages and a column that Housekeeping Monthly published in 1955 titled, "The good wife's guide."

A friend emailed it to me years ago when I was a newlywed. I had deemed it out of touch for a "modern" woman but saved it for a good laugh. I rifled through old papers wondering what I would think after adopting so many 1950s stereotypes in my own marriage. (I am the primary care giver for our children, I cook dinner every night, and I am the one who stocks the pantry and medicine cabinet trying to predict the needs and wants of my family.)

Well I found the column; it had all sorts of valuable advice to prepare for your husband's impending arrival from work. Touch up your make-up and be "fresh looking". Make certain your kids are clean and quiet "little treasures". Apparently if he has a boring day, it is my duty, yes duty to provide him the "lift" he might need. When he arrives I am supposed to "let him talk first because his topics of conversation are more important..." My favorite though is "Don't question his...actions...judgment...or integrity...he is the master of the house... You have no right to question him." (I don't ever question you, do I honey?)

Still some of the advice didn't seem as hilarious as it did when I was a newly married professional woman who never cared for a pet let alone another person. "Have a delicious meal ready for his return...Clear away the clutter... Greet him with a smile." Most days the house is somewhat under control (and by that I mean both the clutter and the kids) which makes for a really nice homecoming for him (and for me). On those days when my husband can smell the pot roast wafting down the steps to the garage, he definitely walks in happy. As opposed to when my husband finds me on the phone while trying to feed the dog and the baby, and get dinner ready while arguing with my 4 1/2 year old that she must set the table. Admittedly, it is not the most gracious way to welcome him home, and those are the days that I propose I need to be welcomed home- when I need the lift and I am the one that needs to be greeted with a smile.

Just as I decided "the good wife's guide" might be onto something, I get to the last bullet. "A good wife always knows her place." I was about to dismiss the column entirely. And then I thought, maybe it is a good thing for a woman to know her place, as long as she is the one determining it.

Allison Berman, an artist and mother of two, handpaints custom home accessories for interior designers and private customers. She works out of her home studio in Warwick, NY. See her collection at www.withlovealib.com. She can be reached at ali@withlovealib.com. Her column appears Tuesdays.