Am I a Good Role Model for My Daughters?

By Allison Berman
November 25, 2008

Today, November 25th marks my 25th column, and I believe it is a good time to reflect on the very real challenge of balancing a career and a families. A few weeks ago in my first negative review -very disappointing- a mom admonished me; she believes by seeking help in my somewhat unrealistic quest to do everything I am an inferior role model for my daughters.

I am a stay-at-home mom to 2 girls under 5 . I make dinner, do pre-school drop-off and pickup, doctor's appointments, help with homework (but careful not too much help), teach to clap hands and blow kisses, and change diapers.

In my "free time" I started a business with an ofoto slideshow - crossing my fingers customer's checks wouldn't bounce (none did); I am now a lucrative online retailer -accepting credit cards. The reader's comment said, "Most of us have to work for companies that require us to show up in order to get paid." I have the luxury to work from my home, but as a business owner showing up doesn't equate getting paid. Instead employees count on me to pay them for showing up, so they can pay their bills.

When I finally hired an assistant, the job description included helping clean my house (and sometimes babysitting a sleeping child) because that is where I need the assistance. This gives me the time to run my business, care for my kids, and write my column- which I am trying to syndicate. (Shameless plug: If you know editors looking for a writer who gets her pieces in early, and appeals to a surprisingly broad demographic, shoot me an email. Don't worry George, you will always be my # 1.)

Over the past 25 weeks, I have been so inspired by the many appreciative emails I have received from fellow parents also struggling to do it all. Nobody can do everything. Something has to "give." I decided cleaning my house or doing laundry doesn't make me a better parent, nor am I a lesser parent if I do less housework. However, personally, if I drop any other balls I juggle I would feel less fulfilled, and that would make me less of a parent.

What kind of a role model am I for my daughters teaching them "that raising them and having a career is something you can't handle alone?" an excellent one. I hope they learn the valuable lesson that you can't take care of anyone else if you don't take care of yourself (something with which I still struggle). My advice for fellow parents on overdrive: Imagine each responsibility is one hat. You wouldn't pile one hat on top of another on top of your head, so stop piling responsibilities. Take it one hat at a time and remember it's okay to ask for help.

Each week I contemplate whether my thoughts are too personal to share with 80,000 readers. And even if they are, I sometimes share anyway if I believe something good can come from it.

Allison Berman, an artist and mother of two, handpaints custom home accessories for interior designers and private customers. She works out of her home studio in Warwick, NY. See her collection at www.withlovealib.com. She can be reached at ali@withlovealib.com. Her column appears Tuesdays.