Help

By Allison Berman
July 7, 2009

"I need help."

Are you picturing your child or perhaps a colleague asking for help with an assignment, or maybe your spouse asking you to pick up milk on the way home? Did you consider the possibility that the person was asking for emotional help? Probably not, considering how few people ask for emotional help, preferring instead try to tackle their emotional problems on their own.

There are a myriad of reasons why, starting with embarrassment, the perceived stigma, and the expense of therapy. It's unfortunate because having both good mental and physical health are both important components to living a happy, healthy, productive life at home and at work.

Perhaps we need to take a play from the gen-y-ers handbook when it comes to therapy. Nothing's too personal for their blogs. They discuss their salaries openly. (If you don't know what anyone else makes how are you going to know if you're paid fairly?) So, not only do they seek therapy, they talk openly about their shrink.

If we talked about mental health more and eliminated the stigma maybe insurance companies wouldn't have the broad spectrum of mental health coverage from company to company, ranging from having no co-pay to having no coverage. I can't fathom that some companies place such little value on one's mental health.

Sometimes talking to a friend just isn't enough. Consider this: a therapist has years of training in counseling, your best friend Jane has years of training in accounting, who do you think is more qualified to help you with your mental health?

Readers contact me all the time seeking my "can do" advice. I am happy to give advice to my readers regarding table manners and if a parent should "friend" their child on Facebook. Or how to navigate delicate situations like going to a child’s big game or making your own big deadline at work.

More and more, however, I am receiving requests for advice on the big stuff - like how to handle a deep depression resulting from prolonged unemployment. And I have been suggesting that a therapist would be better equipped to help than I am.

People don't always respond well to that answer. One woman debated whether her anger management problems were really "big enough?" I assured her it was time to seek out a therapist or perhaps a clergy person.

Many people are going through particularly hard emotional times these days. Money is tight and people are making extreme professional and personal decisions just to stay afloat. Staying in jobs they don't like for financial "security." Staying in bad marriages - even sharing the same residence - because they can't afford to get divorced and carry two homes. And professional and financial pressures are stressors on even the best marriages.

If you feel like you are going through something you can't handle alone, there is no shame in seeking professional guidance. If you had a bad cut you would bandage it yourself, but you wouldn't try to cast your own broken arm. You would go to an orthopedist, and this is no different. Doesn't your mind deserve the same care as your body?

Allison Berman, an artist and mother of two, handpaints custom home accessories for interior designers and private customers. She works out of her home studio in Warwick, NY. See her collection at www.withlovealib.com. She can be reached at ali@withlovealib.com. Her column appears Tuesdays.