Housekeepers and Babysitters

By Allison Berman
October 14, 2008

A few months ago I wrote a column about my decision to become an entrepreneur. I mentioned that I hired someone to clean my house and do laundry. Her role is, well...was essential to my balancing act of mom and businesswoman. I say was, because she quit. Well, she didn't exactly quit. She told me she was having trouble keeping up with her crops and she wouldn't be able to work for a few weeks. She would call me in a week or so, with a better idea of when she would be back to work. I have left 3 messages, and I am beginning to have my doubts as to whether she will be returning.

There was a time when getting married and moving into your own home meant moving down the street from the house in which you grew up. When you had children, family played an active role in your daily lives - babysitting and even picking up groceries. Today people are moving farther from "home," getting married later, and having children even later - having the opportunity to advance further in their careers and have more money than their parents did when they had them. Many use this money to pay for help even if they choose to move close to family. Why? The "Everybody Loves Raymond," syndrome. The show is funny is because we can relate to the complexities of family dynamics and challenges associated. Some want too much help with kids. (A grandmother was recently complaining in this paper that she felt "used" by her daughter -in-law.) Others don't involve grandparents enough. It's hard to get it just right. Once you factor different child rearing ideas - if you can afford it, it's just "less messy" to see family for fun visits and pay someone for help.

This help comes in all shapes and sizes. Many friends have someone clean their homes, others have part-time or full-time babysitters, and a few have both. These individuals play an integral role in 2 career families, and enable people like me to juggle a business and a family. People getting married later are having children fewer than 18 months apart because their biological clock is ticking so loudly they are scared one day it might stop. Translation: 2 children in diapers, both requiring attention. Babysitters enable parents to have a little alone time with each child, or to go to the doctor or dentist with out dragging children along. When your spouse leaves before children are up and returns after bedtime this assistance gives the primary care giver a couple of minutes of "me time" to recharge your battery, to be better able to negotiate with these mini terrorists, as my friend warmly refers to her children.

I could go on and on about the many ways this help makes our lives easier, but for now it is time for me to face the truth, Jane just isn't going to call - but like the song goes, I Will Survive.

Allison Berman, an artist and mother of two, handpaints custom home accessories for interior designers and private customers. She works out of her home studio in Warwick, NY. See her collection at www.withlovealib.com. She can be reached at ali@withlovealib.com. Her column appears Tuesdays.