Mrs. Madoff, No demon

By Allison Berman
July 21, 2009

Ruth Madoff is pretty and petite, artificially blond, and always dressed impeccably. Her husband's Ponzi scheme afforded her a lifestyle most of us can't begin to comprehend. But some of the most brilliant financial minds on Wall Street profited from investing with him, too. So why is she the one vilified in the media on a regular basis? Is it because between her working with him and being married to him she "must" have been involved? Or is it perhaps that she continues to be a loving wife, to a man many feel doesn't deserve it?

I don't technically work with my husband, but his business is our most frequent topic of conversation. I go with him on the weekends to look at land, paint signs, buy and hang picture frames, proofread documents and brainstorm marketing efforts.

I handle most employee issues with the credit-card company, yet I couldn't come close to making a list of my husband's current projects, his monthly expenses, or how much was owed to the company on a given day. Perhaps that's why I give Ruth Madoff the benefit of the doubt.

Or perhaps it's because I have trouble keeping track of our personal finances. I know the details for the credit card, the insurances (home, car, life, medical) and taxes — all of the checks I write. But I have trouble keeping track of the bills my husband handles: Orange and Rockland, Cablevision and Yankee Propane.

Do you know exactly how much money is coming in and going out to cover your monthly expenses? Most people I ask don't, even if they are the "bill payer." So why do people expect Ruth Madoff to know about her husband's professional illegal activities?

And if she is getting blamed for her husband's wrongdoing, why can't I find any articles written about her before her husband was exposed as a fraud? There is nothing lauding her for her help in creating the professional dynasty. Only blame. After the fact.

That said, I don't agree with her decision to try to prevent $62 million from being given back to people swindled by her husband. But what's considered reasonable behavior when you find out your husband has stolen billions of dollars and you are about to lose everything?

Were her attempts to hold onto "her money" really that different from those who filed lawsuits against her husband demanding their own money back that they invested with him?

And if you demonize her not because you believe she knew of the illegal activities, but because you feel she shouldn't stand by her husband — are you infallible? I'm not. And I would hope that if I made some colossal mistake, I would be lucky enough to have a spouse like Ruth Madoff by my side. I have never "heard" her indicate he was innocent of wrongdoing.

She honors her vows: for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer. She stands by her high school sweetheart in spite of his fallacies: the man she supported in business and personally since she was 16.

Allison Berman, an artist and mother of two, handpaints custom home accessories for interior designers and private customers. She works out of her home studio in Warwick, NY. See her collection at www.withlovealib.com. She can be reached at ali@withlovealib.com. Her column appears Tuesdays.