Memo to self: Get sick only if spouse is Healthy

By Allison Berman
August 4, 2009

I thought having a sick child was a challenge when trying to work and take care of the rest of the family, but a few months ago, I learned nothing compares to my husband and I being sick at the same time.

I woke up Thursday night alternating between freezing and sweating. I never called in sick when I was in an office, so it never dawned on me to stay in bed. Instead, I unhappily went about my day, figuring it would be slower but more or less "business as usual." Apparently it's easier to be sick in an office than to be sick at home with kids hanging on you.

By late morning on Friday, I knew I had to "go home sick." I put the girls down for their naps and went to sleep, too.

My husband, who is normally welcomed home to the smell of yummy food, was greeted Friday night by cooking instructions. He set the table and cooked the meal I had prepared. I came downstairs, had dinner with my family, and went back to lie on the couch. My husband then cleaned up from dinner and got our toddler ready for bed while I hung out with our 5-year-old and rested.

Saturday, he took both girls to a birthday party so I could sleep. He came home exhausted, asking me, "I'm just a daddy — when is my day off?" (His way of recognizing and appreciating the work I do for our family. I smiled.)

Saturday night, he got his wish. My husband got sick, too.

Talk about bad timing, I was still feeling junky, and my husband had sponsored a team of his employees and their families/significant others to participate in a bowl-a-thon to raise money for Big Brothers/Big Sisters on Sunday. He was looking forward to spending time with his staff out of the office and giving back to the community.

Unfortunately, he was in no condition to go. The girls and I honored his commitment and left him with a quiet house so he could sleep. This time I was the one who returned home tired, and my already aching head was throbbing.

Just as I got into bed, my older daughter came in hungry for dinner. My sick husband took over and went downstairs to start cooking. I told him I would be down in a bit after I "recharged my battery."

Maybe 15 minutes later, I brought down our freshly diapered toddler who was now up and hungry, too. "How can you take so long when you know I'm sick?" he moaned. I felt terrible, but I just couldn't take care of him the way I normally do, no matter how well he took care of me the day before because I was still sick, too.

And our work still needed to get done, and our kids still needed attention, regardless of us being sick. So we took turns resting, and taking care of our professional responsibilities, and kids, and each other. Next time, we are going to have to coordinate better and not get sick at the same time.

Allison Berman, an artist and mother of two, handpaints custom home accessories for interior designers and private customers. She works out of her home studio in Warwick, NY. See her collection at www.withlovealib.com. She can be reached at ali@withlovealib.com. Her column appears Tuesdays.