Training a Child Like a Dog

By Allison Berman
September 16, 2008

When my husband and I got married we adopted a puppy from the North Shore Animal League, our first baby. My husband has an, ahem, authoritative personality, and Ruby immediately accepted him as the alpha dog. However, she was fighting me for second position in the pack so... Ruby and I signed up for dog school where I learned the importance of discipline, tons of positive reinforcement for good behavior, and the need to be consistent. I am proud to say Ruby graduated with flying colors and the only thing she chews is her toys- and small animals. She doesn't jump on the bed unless invited. She knows how to sit, lay down and my personal favorite - give you her paw by color (one front paws is white and the other is black). We even taught her to walk herself. Ruby is so well trained that my parents - 2 recovering anti-dog people will let her sleep at their house.

When my daughter was born, I started thinking; since the training worked on the dog, why not train our children using the same principals? My husband came home from work one night and found me disciplining our 10 month old, saying "No" as she tried to reach into the dog's water bowl. I turned the baby around, gave her something safe to play with and told her "good girl" in that high pitched happy voice positively reinforcing the good behavior. He doubtingly asked if I really thought she understood. I said, "At some point she will and there is no way to know when that will be."

I have taught her there are consequences for her actions - both positive and negative. I discipline the behaviors I dislike and I positively reinforce the behaviors I want her to continue. Flash forward to the present and my 4 ½ year old understands the consequences of her actions so well that sometimes when she just can't keep herself from acting out, she puts herself in the corner. Just like the dog, I give short clear instructions, lots of love and affection, and I try to be consistent (I struggle with that last one).

The problem is sometimes at the end of the day, you are just too tired to discipline. In dog school you learn if you don't feel like taking the dog off the couch, don't give the "off" command because if you don't follow through you teach the dog he doesn't have to listen to you. I believe the same holds true with kids. My solution, I don't discipline my girls if I am not prepared to back up my words. Translation-sometimes I don't "see" digressions.

Many find our style too strict, but I believe my older daughter is happier for having boundaries, fortunately my husband agrees. My daughter still tests us, as does my dog, but thankfully for the most part she follows her rules. We recently started teaching our 1 year old to stop spitting, and instead wiggle her tongue (so we don't end up covered in peas). Believe it or not, just like my older daughter, and my dog before her, it's working.

Allison Berman, an artist and mother of two, handpaints custom home accessories for interior designers and private customers. She works out of her home studio in Warwick, NY. See her collection at www.withlovealib.com. She can be reached at ali@withlovealib.com. Her column appears Tuesdays.