Since Kids Mirror You, Try for Good Reflections

By Allison Berman
October 20, 2009

I recently discovered two beautiful mirrors in my house with magical powers. Not only do they reflect my image, they talk to me! Not in the "mirror, mirror on the wall" kind of way. These mirrors parrot everything I say right back to me - for better and for worse. The mirrors are my children.

They absorb everything I say and do, and then they say and do it, too. A responsibility I take very seriously considering the lessons they learn today will shape the adults they become tomorrow. Will they be strong women? Will they get along with co-workers, management, and subordinates? Will they have the confidence to walk into gatherings where they know no one and introduce themselves? They will if they see me do it.

My 2-year-old taps her hand to her thigh saying "Mommy come," beckoning me to her, just like I do with the dog. My 5½-year-old carries on pretend conversations asking "customers" detailed questions about colors they might like her to paint on a tissue box or canvas. She does "her work" on her computer, typing beautiful columns using assorted colors for the font.

I didn't recognize the extent to which my children emulate me until my older daughter started parroting back some of my behaviors I am not so proud of. It was my own mommy version of Harry Chapin's song "Cat's in the Cradle." - And as I hung up the phone it occurred to me ... my boy was just like me."

Do as I do, say as I say

I try to use this knowledge "for good," and one of the most effective ways I believe I have done so, is teaching my girls proper manners. "Feeding" the girls the appropriate words in the appropriate situations and having them repeat the words back to me. "Please." "Thank You." "Excuse me."

"Do as I say not as I do" doesn't work. Children learn from actions, not just lessons. And I believe when my children hear me speak to the person behind the counter at a deli and the gas station attendant the same way I speak to my customers and the same way I speak to them, it reinforces the manners I teach at home.

Chances are if your kids hear you speak respectfully, they will also. Likewise, if you pick and choose who you speak nicely to (being nice to your boss, not your employees) don't be surprised to see your children do the same.

Check your reflection often

While seeing my reflection can be unsettling at times, it has inspired me to strive to be a better person; for myself and for the women I hope my children will one day be.

ears from now, the table manners they see in my house will be on display on dates and at business lunches and dinners. I want their firm handshakes, holding a door for someone, and saying thank you when someone holds a door for them to be second nature. I want them to be good women. And as the female they most often emulate, it's up to me to set the example.

Are you happy with the reflection in your mirror?

Allison Berman, an artist and mother of two, handpaints custom home accessories for interior designers and private customers. She works out of her home studio in Warwick, NY. See her collection at www.withlovealib.com. She can be reached at ali@withlovealib.com. Her column appears Tuesdays.