The Sandwhich Generation: Caring for Kids and Parents

By Allison Berman
November 24, 2009

Thanks to modern medicine, people are living into their 90s and beyond, and our lives are clearly richer for the extra years with our loved ones. But this prolonged existence has created an interesting predicament - one of my daughter's favorite "Sesame Street" words in honor of "Sesame Street's" 40th birthday - for the baby boomers.

The generation that raised them and the generation they raised both need help, and the baby boomers are left "sandwiched" in the middle of these two generations. To complicate matters further, many people in this "Sandwich Generation" are burdened with their own constraints and limitations, making it hard to help their parents and their children.

Financial burdens: Many of these already pressed-for-cash "Sandwich Generationers" are working yearsafter they thought they would be retired to make back money they lost in the stock market or their retirement fund, or because their house depreciated in value, or a million other reasons.

And many are also working to help support their parents and their adult children, too, as parents outlive their savings and adult children (sometimes with spouses and children of their own) become victims of this country's astronomical unemployment rate.

Time constraints: Now that the Sandwich Generation is working well past "retirement age," they have limited free time to physically help those who need them.

They spend their "sick days" in doctors' offices, but not for themselves. They accompany their parents who are no longer able to go to doctors unescorted.

Weekends are spent laying out their parents' multiple medicines in giant pill cases: by time of day (breakfast/lunch/dinner/bedtime) and by day of the week. This way, the "children" don't have to worry about parents accidentally taking multiple doses. If the breakfast compartment on Wednesday is empty, there are no pills for Mom to take.

Physical limitations: While many Sandwich Generationers are youthful and agile (I know plenty who are), it can be physically challenging for me at 35 to run after my 2-year-old.

Geographic limitations: Families are now more spread out geographically than they were 20 years ago. Helping is no longer a matter of running up or down a flight of stairs in a "mother/daughter" house in Brooklyn.

There are many challenges this Sandwich Generation faces, being pulled in so many directions. And yet everyone I have spoken to who lives in this tug-of-war talks about their good fortune to be an adult with grown children of your own, and to still have your parents. It's a wonderful quandary to have.

Allison Berman, an artist and mother of two, handpaints custom home accessories for interior designers and private customers. She works out of her home studio in Warwick, NY. See her collection at www.withlovealib.com. She can be reached at ali@withlovealib.com. Her column appears Tuesdays.