Dad Has Equally Hard Lot Balancing Career & Family

By Allison Berman
October 13, 2009

Every week, I write about what it's like to try to balance my family life and my professional career. I write about perpetually feeling torn between being there for my kids and my husband, and being able to focus on my professional aspirations. And sometimes I become so resentful that as a woman I have this struggle, while my husband seems to navigate between his business and our family with such ease.

And then I remember he doesn't. It might seem that way sometimes as I frantically try to schedule all of my meetings for the one day a week I have a baby sitter while my husband has the "luxury" of scheduling appointments whenever he wants. But it's just as much a balancing act for my husband as it is for me.

Same pressures apply to both

My husband feels the same pressure trying to stagger his evening appointments so he can actually see his children during the week. And his disappointment when he doesn't spend enough time with us is no different than my frustration when I can't find time to focus on my career.

I do the lion's share at home, "scheduling" my career around my family and my husband's reality is the reverse of mine; his primary responsibility is his work and he "schedules" family time around his career.

His original plan was to handle the business side of his construction company from home. That worked fine until my older daughter was about 2 and started banging on his office door screaming D-A-A-A-D-Y. It was confusing why she could have access to one parent at home and not the other and the situation just didn't work, especially once he realized he needed to hire more "in the office" employees.

Support means everything

My husband's solution was to move to a local office not far from the house. He fills his BlackBerry with all of the kids' "important events" and tries to schedule around them. Sometimes he's able to make it for an entire event, sometimes he comes late or leaves early, and sometimes he misses things entirely.

And my husband has found other opportunities for quality time with the girls. He wakes up early most weekends, spending special daddy/daughter time alone with them while I catch up either on my sleep from the week or my work.

Neither one of us is able to do everything or be everywhere at the same time, but we each make it a priority to support the other in his/her endeavors - professional, familial, or community service. And hopefully our girls will grow up with the understanding that no parent can have it all and we all have to make sacrifices, but if you pick a partner who supports you and you are supportive of your partner, it makes it a lot easier to come pretty close.

Allison Berman, an artist and mother of two, handpaints custom home accessories for interior designers and private customers. She works out of her home studio in Warwick, NY. See her collection at www.withlovealib.com. She can be reached at ali@withlovealib.com. Her column appears Tuesdays.