Like Mother Like Daughter

By Allison Berman
January 5, 2010

Every day, my 6-year-old becomes more like me. Is it because I am home raising her? Or is she genetically predisposed to be an unable-to-focus perfectionist?

My husband gets from point A to point C via point B, no problem. He is completely linear, logical, organized and efficient. He focuses on the situation at hand so well, he "predicts" what will happen 10 steps down the road.

Some take the long way around
I get from point A to C but I might "feel" like going to D and E before I find my way back to C. I know firsthand the challenge it can be in school, in corporate America, in life. I eventually learned to focus (when I really had to), but my husband believes we should teach our daughter to, simply put, become more like him. I'm still trying to decide

She packs her bag the night before so she isn't racing around like I do, unable to remember what she did and didn't pack. He wanted her to lay out her clothes, too, but she wasn't sure what she would "feel" like wearing so we agreed she could pick her clothes in the morning as long as it didn't make her late. Her alarm goes off; she gets ready, and then comes into my room.

Well, it's been taking her longer and longer because she has been very busy playing, looking out her window at deer or staring into space, lost in her thoughts. I know this, because it's what I did at her age and continue to do today. Just the other day, I "got lost" and my husband had to remind me I was going to take a shower before I got distracted. So how do I teach her to do something I can't?

Blending both styles is possible
I want her to be punctual, and to learn sometimes it is OK to do something "good enough." And I want her to notice details and to take time to appreciate little things around her, even if it isn't an efficient use of her time.

I excelled professionally coming up with creative ideas for "linear, big-picture people" because I don't see things the way they do. I have to try to think "inside" the box. I skillfully executed the plans paying attention to the smallest details so many big picture people overlook.

As a stay-at-home mom, rather than pushing my toddler in her stroller and completing my "to do" list, I happily amble along at a snail's pace so she can practice walking. I make time to teach her to pull up her pants and put her boots on, things that don't suit my husband's personality at all.

For now, I tell my 6-year-old mini-me, "The teacher only allots enough time to do an assignment the way the teacher wants, but bring anything home to 'perfect' it." Maybe she can better develop her ability to focus, but still stop to smell the flowers, appreciate the details, and become the best of my husband and me at work and at home.

Allison Berman, an artist and mother of two, handpaints custom home accessories for interior designers and private customers. She works out of her home studio in Warwick, NY. See her collection at www.withlovealib.com. She can be reached at ali@withlovealib.com. Her column appears Tuesdays.