Your Twenties: Primetime for Your Vocation and Procreation
By Allison Berman
November 11, 2008
I was working in the city when NY Magazine ran a story many of my friends and I interpreted to say, by delaying childbearing we "career women" were making a choice to have a career rather than a family. Suffice it to say, our proverbial "hackles" went up.
Flash forward 10 years. Six of my friends and I started trying to get pregnant 2 years ago. My daughter already celebrated her 1st birthday and only one friend has gotten pregnant, 5 have not. These are young women in their 30s. Some have children some do not. Some have sought help, and others have not. One friend was told her eggs aren't good quality anymore. Another was diagnosed with "unexplained Infertility" which basically means everything seems to be working but you still aren't pregnant. These women are not an anomaly, there are 11 million couples trying to conceive in the US at any particular time, and one in six of them will encounter fertility problems.
Glossy supermarket tabloid pictures of 40 and 50 year old celebrities who gave birth to beautiful, healthy babies are lulling us into a false sense of security our bodies will wait to procreate. Dr. Amos Grunebaum of Fairhaven Health says "(due to) the highly "aesthetic" nature of show business, they (celebrities) may be more diet/exercise conscious than the public at large" (better preparing their bodies for conception)...The costs involved with fertility treatments represent less of a burden to the rich and famous." And who knows if there was an egg donor? Some women are proactively resolving the "egg problem," freezing their eggs, thereby postponing their biological clocks.
Dr. David Dunson studied 782 couples and reported, in the Journal of Human Reproduction, a woman's fertility starts declining as early as her late 20s. And it is widely accepted somewhere between ages 35 and 42 a woman's FSH levels begin to rise, an indication of impending menopause.(Translation for non-medical professionals: the primetime for graduate school and/or focusing on your career is unfortunately also the primetime for "baby making.")
Fortunately, focusing on your career during prime childbearing years doesn't equate to giving up your chance to bear children. The process just becomes more challenging the longer you wait. I was 28 years old, in excellent health and it took 9 long months to become pregnant with my older daughter. I grew to hate my digital thermometer, those stupid ovulation sticks, and the doctor who told me that stress made it harder to conceive - to relax and let it happen. I couldnt even talk to a close friend who referred to herself as "Fertile Mertyl" - constantly joking if her husband looked at her she got pregnant.
I didn't require any medical intervention; it just took time which seems to be the case as your biological clock tics. "Fertile Mertyl," who never dreamt she would have a problem conceiving, is one of the 6 friends I mentioned earlier; it took her 13 months to conceive. She just had her third son.
Allison Berman, an artist and mother of two, handpaints custom home
accessories for interior designers and private customers. She works out of
her home studio in Warwick, NY. See her collection at www.withlovealib.com. She can be
reached at ali@withlovealib.com.
Her column appears Tuesdays.
