Should I Work Inside the Home or Out? That is the Question!

By Allison Berman
June 9, 2009

Today marks my 1 year anniversary as a columnist. To mark this special day, I thought it appropriate to correct the misperception that I think about balancing my work and family all the time because I write about it. The truth is I write about it because I think about it all the time. And I know from your emails I am not the only one...

If we're home, do they "get it"? That taking care of them is a full-time job?

If we work full-time outside the home, will we scar them by sending a box of Oreos for the big bake-sale?

If we're doing some combination of both, will they see our insecurities - questioning our ability to do both well when we don't have the time to really focus on either? And will we give our children unrealistic expectations that they can "do it all"?

I hope my daughters see how strongly I value both my professional work and my everyday responsibility to raise them. And I hope someday, they can feel supported if they too feel that internal struggle to find a happy balance between wanting a career and wanting to be their children's primary caregiver.

As a young adult I had everything figured out. I would have my career and a househusband to greet my kids at half past 3. I argued the logistics with one of my older brothers who doubted the likelihood of finding "him."

And then I met my husband, and something changed. I changed. When I became pregnant with my older daughter I decided not only didn't I want to be a high power exec, I didn't want to be mommy tracked either. I wanted out of the rat race entirely.

I wanted to be home with my daughter, to learn to cook, to take care of everything at home so my husband could focus on his career. I wasn't talking about becoming June Cleaver, rather a Domestic Diva. I should have known better.

I couldn't even vacuum. Take 1: Vacuumed all 3 floors of my then townhouse without switching the setting to hardwood floors, floors still dirty. Take 2: Used vacuum wand to clean around the toilet but didn't put it back in properly, floors still dirty. Take 3: Finally got it right, but had little interest in ever vacuuming again.

I started feeling unfulfilled professionally but since there were no local Marketing positions for someone with my experience I started my business, finding what is for me, the best of both worlds, for now.

Readers continually ask me how I'd feel if my daughters have the means to stay home, and choose to do so. "Proud, if that's what makes them happy."

I still haven't found the "answer" to parents' career/family internal tug of war. I believe all we can do, is keep asking the question, "What's right for me today"?

Need more money? Get a job. Your child needs more attention? If you can afford it, cut back or stay home. Burned out at home or in the traditional workforce? Make a change. And if what you are doing feels right, keep right on doing it.

Allison Berman, an artist and mother of two, handpaints custom home accessories for interior designers and private customers. She works out of her home studio in Warwick, NY. See her collection at www.withlovealib.com. She can be reached at ali@withlovealib.com. Her column appears Tuesdays.